10 Important Qualities to Look For in a Great Husband
Tarah Avery
Have you ever made a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a man?
If you’re anything like the average woman, you probably have and I am sure it started long ago as a teenage girl. At a young age, my list had qualities like: “fire-fighter material, surfer, makes lots of money, tall-dark-handsome, wants 4 kids, etc.”
I hope I’m not the only one that wrote silly, materialistic things like that. Needless to say, Gordon is a musician, is shorter-than-average height, wants 2 kids (before we agreed on 4), and does not surf that I am aware of. Lucky for me though, he did get the “fire-fighter material” part down- he is a hunky man with muscles I love holding onto.
Let’s talk about some things that may or may not be on your list. I have found these to be super important, they are character qualities, which I will say mean more than any other status quo, “make lots of money” and “ridiculously good-looking” quality out there. However, it doesn’t hurt if he’s nice to look at.
Ok, here we go! 10 important qualities to look for in a great husband (single ladies this is for you):
Is he teachable?
Is he willing to learn? It is important that your man be teachable and shows a desire to learn otherwise your relationship will most likely become stagnant, stale, and boring. You want a man who will lead you in learning and growing together as well as individually. Oh how much there is to continuously learn out there! What a bummer it would be to waste that.
Is he humble?
Is he able to say that he doesn’t have everything all figured out? Is he willing to cheer others on when they have successes? Is he able to say “I’m Sorry?” I have learned a great deal from my husband about this. He has the most humble attitude towards others success. Instead of allowing jealousy or envy to consume him, he chooses (yes I said chooses) to be happy and excited for others. And this prevents him from comparing himself and instead finds a unique type of joy that only comes from being able to celebrate others. It’s truly inspiring.
For a man to be able to say he is sorry and genuinely ask for your forgiveness, no matter the issue is HUGE! It shows his humility and his ability to put others before himself. Not being able to apologize is a prideful issue and let me tell you, this is something I struggle with far more often than my husband. His ability to say he is sorry and ask for forgiveness convicts me every time, one of these days I will be the first to apologize.
Does he make you smile/laugh?
My husband says the most silly, dumb, ridiculous things, I mean like seriously so off-the-wall corny. Half the time it’s his body language and facial expressions that are the worst. But it makes me laugh. He has always been able to make me laugh back to the beginning of our friendship together, and he always will be able to make me laugh. He finds joy in it, he says,
A wife’s laughter awakens the soul.
Nobody should take life too seriously. Laughter is supposedly the best medicine and I genuinely agree. If your man doesn’t try to make you laugh, then the future looks pretty glum.
Does he make you think?
Does he challenge you intellectually? How about spiritually? What about Physically? (eeek that last one makes me cringe…I mean who really wants to put in all that work to be healthy? It’s a toughy!) No man should be able to let you slack in either of those areas. I am not saying he has to be a drill sergeant about it, but he should be able to encourage you to be the best you there possibly is.
Does he cherish you?
Does he know what he has when he has it? Does he remind you how beautiful, lovely, and captivating you are to him? This is one of the most important because it will speak directly to your hearts deepest longing. And if you don’t feel cherished by him, you will continually be striving for ways to grab his attention and that can lead down a very dangerous path. You can read more about that in, What is the Root Question of Most Women’s Insecurity?
What is the fruit of his life?
Does he produce good fruit or bad fruit? And what do I mean by “fruit?”
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. -Galatians 5:22-23 (Message Version)
As followers of Jesus, we can measure our spiritual growth by the fruits of our lives. Are we growing in the areas mentioned above or are most absent? You can measure this in your man’s life as well. Put another way, this question asks: is he a spiritual leader for your life?
Does he respect you?
A man’s ability to respect his girlfriend, wife, mother, etc. is a huge factor in what your life will look like with him. Are you free to disagree? If he is controlling your time, friends, and money, or really anything in your life, he is not respecting you. As you become husband and wife it is important to be on the same page regarding who you hang out with and who you don’t, how you spend your money and how you don’t, etc. But if you are already noticing his appetite for control, get out of there quick!
Is he able to control his temper?
Self-Control is not easy. Is he able to use self-control with his temper? Does he have a temper? A man that isn’t able to control his temper is not a man worth marrying. Who know’s how he will eventually lash out. Anger can evolve into many ugly things if not controlled. The number one thing is if you don’t feel safe with him, seek the help you need to remove yourself from him.
Is he trustworthy?
Fair warning: I am going to go pretty deep here. Trust is huge. And I want to share a part of our story with you because being able to trust your man is a big deal.
Gordon has a flip phone. Now before you start laughing or rolling your eyes, let me tell you why. Pornography is a huge factor among men, and it is very physically damaging to himself if used and abused. It is also damaging to a relationship, it makes women feel useless like they can’t live up to what their man looks at on a screen. At least that is my experience and I wouldn’t doubt the experience of many women out there.
Gordon has had a damaging past with pornography and has come a long way with a lot of self-discipline, accountability, encouragement, and prayer. The last time he looked at pornography was through his iPhone. It broke me.
It’s been years since I felt the effects directly from my man using pornography since he’s been free of it, and years since he switched from iPhone to flip phone. Good ol’ fashioned flip! Changing his phone is not the only thing he has done to gain my trust, but its just one example.
It might seem a silly thing just changing phones, but it has made me be able to trust him like no other in that area of his life.
Being with a man who you can trust in all areas of your life, spiritually, physically, emotionally, with finances, with children, with his sexuality, etc. is vitally important to you’re safety and security. A man who is trustworthy is someone not to take for granted.
Are you his favorite person?
Do you like to be around each other? Does he think you’re an awesome person? If you are with a man that drives you nuts most of the time, or visa versa, I would say to look elsewhere. You want your husband to be someone you can have fun with and be excited about spending time with, apart from the physical intimacy.
It’s incredible being married to your best friend. Gordon and I literally love doing everything together, which won’t fit everyone, but if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person lets hope its someone you like to hang out with because all that lovie-dovie, mushy-gushy stuff cannot be the foundation of a great marriage. A physical relationship only will fall and crumble unless you make friendship the base.
All of these qualities are important, however, you will not find a man who has them all down pat. They are a lot to live up to, even for my husband and myself, and no one is perfect, grace will need to be extended. But the thing that matters most is, if it is important to you, it will be important to him.
Evaluate the man in your life, what qualities is he doing great at? Which ones not so great? If he desires to love you better, he won’t mind if you bring these up. Be encouraging and believe him there.
If a man knows you believe in him, he can do anything.
Which of these qualities listed above would you say is most important to you?
Your Friend,
