2 Myths We Believe About Preparing for Marriage
Tarah Avery
Do you want to start your marriage in a place that takes most couples years to get to? It’s totally possible.
There are some ideas, or as I like to call them, myths, that our culture has told us about going into marriage. We see them in all kinds of media. It is hard not to fall for them. And the funny thing is that none of these ideas talk about preparing for marriage.
Dr. Ed Wheat, a family physician, and author, says, “I have observed that marriage with its tremendous significance often turns out to be the least prepared-for event of life.”
Why is that? Why do we allow ourselves to walk blindly into such a huge life change? Do we really trust what our friends are telling us? Do they have the type of marriage you strive to have? And what about our single friends? How come they always have an opinion? (yes this was me). But I am talking about single friends who just give an opinion to give one. We may not want to listen to them!
Instead, listen to the people who have the type of marriage you desire. The decision to get married will impact your life more deeply than almost any other in life. However, people continue to rush into marriage with little preparation for making your relationship successful.
So what are they? What are 2 myths that we believe about preparing for marriage?
You Just Can’t Prepare
I’ve heard it so many times, “You can’t prepare for marriage.” And it makes me cringe every time! Of course, you can prepare for marriage! I wrote a whole blog about it.
When we don’t prepare, we often stumble through the first few years trying to find our way to happiness as husband and wife. As New York #1 bestselling authors Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot say, “We never had premarital counseling, but we spent the first year of our married life in therapy. Once a week, we met with a counselor who helped us iron out the wrinkles we never even saw before getting married . . . we had this naïve idea that after our wedding our life would fall naturally into place, and a marriage preparation course or counseling never entered our minds.”
For too long the trend has been to fall in love, marry, and hope for the best. But the Parrots’ book offers a different approach – to prepare for your marriage union.
They say that planning the perfect wedding too often takes precedence over planning a successful marriage. And lack of planning is the ultimate saboteur of marriage (pg. 15). We need to start looking at the engagement season as a different season than dating. Most of the time we’re too focused on wedding planning, house searching, registering for gifts and all the other fun things to be thinking about working on our relationship.
There are more resources – books, blogs, podcasts, and marriage retreats – out there for couples than any other time in history. Let’s take it upon ourselves to learn from the best so we can bring the best of us to our marriage.
The discipline of taking the time to really get to know each other and prepare well will create a beautiful discipline in your marriage. Why not start that discipline before you’re married?
I can tell you from the perspective of someone who tends to over-prepare, it’s hard to continue this discipline in marriage. I imagine that if you haven’t already begun working hard to prepare before you are married, it’s that much harder the moment you say “I do.”
It’s All About Finding “The One”
It takes work to have a great marriage. You often hear divorced couples say things like, “They just weren’t ‘the one.” If only, like the Cinderella story, it was that easy. Creating a healthy marriage is much more than just finding “the one.”
Every successful marriage is the result of two people working diligently and skillfully to cultivate their love.
Marriage is hard work, but the benefits will be worth it. You will feel more connected with your spouse than you ever thought possible if you just take the time to communicate, support, and love each other as selflessly as you can.
We all want a happily ever after. right?
In the book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, the Parrots say that living happily ever after is less a mystery than it is the mastery of certain skills (pg. 16).
It takes intentionality and purpose to keep your marriage healthy. Which means that we must be continuously learning from the best. In other words, those people who’ve been married for years and who have a vibrant relationship.
My husband deserves to have an amazing wife, and it takes time and effort to become a great one. Will I fail at times? Absolutely! But do I care enough to become my best for him? I sure do. And we should all take that upon ourselves. It’s part of the “job description” of becoming a wife, and this goes for husbands, too. We must be selfless and love our spouses well, which means we must be continuously growing.
Don’t get me wrong here. You are enough. We don’t need to be perfect. That’s impossible. I mess up all the time at being a wife, but I have been equipped with the knowledge and tools I need to try my hardest to put my husband before myself. And I should always strive for that.
Who are your marriage mentors? If you don’t have any, start asking God to bring some into your life that can help guide and encourage your marriage.
If you’re already married, what was one of the best things you did to prepare for marriage?
I’d love to hear in the comments below!
All my Love,
