2 Steps to Falling in Love
Tarah Avery
How does one fall in love?
It feels wrong to say there are “steps” to this process, doesn’t it?
Love is a beautiful mystery. It cannot be fathomed within the framework of empirical boxes and figures. Cannot be broken down into mathematical or biological equations. Love is the greatest force in the entire universe.
And when we crash into real love, it changes us forever.
But how we fall in love is different. The way in which we get those immaculate feelings can, in fact, be mapped out. And it is absolutely crucial to understand.
Lest we deceive ourselves.
I fell in love with Gordon much sooner than he did with me. Like I’ve said before, I never really dated much before Gordon, but he and I were friends for 4 years prior to our days of dating. During those 4 years we became the best of friends. We hung out on weekends after church, just the two of us. We would usually find ourselves walking along the waterfront with coffee in hand or just hanging out in a coffee shop talking (we are big coffee people). We never did tons of activities, but we shared our hearts a lot.
One day we found ourselves walking through his neighborhood discussing houses we liked and didn’t like, and that’s when it hit me, “Why are we here ‘picking out houses?’ He should probably be saving these conversations for his wife.”
We later talked about how we needed to put some boundaries around our conversation, because, let’s be honest, talking emotional stuff like dreams for our futures plucks a girls heartstrings.
I had never let a man into my heart like I did with Gordon all those years. We never planned to fall in love; it just happened.
We, as humans, have the ability to fall in love with nearly any person on planet earth.
Sound impossible? Seem crazy? I know it does. Yet, regardless of who fell for the other first, these same steps are taken. It’s happened to me and maybe it’s happened to you too. And how do you know if this could be you right now?
Maybe this will help. Here are the 2 steps to falling in love:
Spend a significant amount of one-on-one time together.
First off, get alone. Just the two of you. This includes talking on the phone.
Share your heart.
Then talk about the deeper things in your life. About your hurts. Your dreams. Your emotions.
Do these things long enough and someone will develop feelings. Maybe not at first. Maybe not for a while. But eventually, it will happen.
Now maybe you’re wondering why this even matters? First, let’s talk about why it’s important for dating.
Just because I feel an incredible inclination for someone does not mean it is a good relationship. This is how we find ourselves in bad situations. We spend a lot of alone time with someone we probably shouldn’t and inevitably experience emotions we never expected.
Only later, after the feelings have calmed, do we realize the mess we’re in. When people are asked why they should get married, many say, “Because we are in love.” The problem with that answer is that you can fall in love with just about anyone. And falling out of love is just as easy.
You may not be able to control who you are attracted to, but you can control who you spend time with.
Feelings come and go. But a relationship built on wisdom has staying power.
Ok, so how is this important for marriage?
A common trait amongst happily married couples is their commitment to a consistent time together, such as a date night (If you clicked the link, pay attention to #13).
The couples that find time to get alone together and talk on a consistent basis are more likely to be happy years down the road.
My in-laws took it even further. Four times a year they would leave the kids at home and go for an overnight date. They spent a few days getting alone and sharing their heart. And after 40 years of marriage, they are more in love now than ever.
If you’re in a relationship, how have you done with the two steps? If you skipped them, do you think you can go back and work them out, and how do you think that would affect your relationship?
I’d love to hear in the comments below!
All my Love,
