4 Signs That You’re NOT Ready for Marriage
Tarah Avery
If I could name one aspect of my coaching business that I am the most passionate about, it would be pre-marriage. The time that you (and your partner) take to prepare for the biggest life decision you’ll ever make. Marriage is no small commitment, so why do we treat it as such? Because you’re in love which means you have to marry now? I hope not.
One of the biggest mistakes we make today as young people is rushing into marriage. Dr. Ed Wheat, a marriage & family counselor with decades of experience says this, “I have observed that marriage with its tremendous significance often turns out to be the least prepared for event of life.”
4 Signs That You’re Not Ready for Marriage:
You don’t know where you’re going in life.
What is your life purpose? Are you in the work you want to be in long-term or are you just working a job?
Have you ever noticed that before God brought Eve into the picture, he gave Adam a purpose? There is something inside of each of us – a desire to have a deep purpose in our life. And when that purpose is absent, depression and apathy can easily slip into your marriage. As John Mark Comer says in his book Lovology, “…don’t marry a man without a gardening project.”
Friends of mine have gotten stuck in jobs because they were forced to make a living after choosing to get married young. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to pursue your passions and purpose inside of marriage – but that time before marriage would be the most opportune moment to pursue your passions and discover your purpose, simply because you have less responsibility and more time as a single person.
You’re not content in your singleness.
And no, dating doesn’t count. I’ve had many friends in the past say they were single while they were dating; however, that’s not the definition of singleness I’m talking about here.
Let’s talk about singleness. Your single years are about discovering who you are, your identity before you open the door to dating. In this season of self-discovery, you find out that no person could completely fulfill your longing to be loved. Only Yahweh [God] can do that. If you search for your identity in a person, you will never be fully content or happy. You are truly content when you aren’t finding your happiness in your relationship status on FB.
You may struggle to find contentment or happiness in your marriage if you weren’t happy or content while you were single. No human can live up to the god-like persona we put on them. For more on this, check out “4 False Expectations That Will Harm Your Marriage.”
Once you can get to true contentment, you’re ready for a fulfilling, life-giving relationship that is built on your foundation of faith and relationship with God.
You’re looking for the right man rather than becoming the right woman.
You attract a man who is the mirror image of who you are. If you are emotionally unhealthy, you will attract an emotionally unhealthy man. Become the woman that you know the man of your dreams deserves to have. A woman with purpose, self-worth, strength, encouragement, compassion, and grace. Are you prepared to be the wife your husband deserves? Or do you want to just settle?
Remember when you were growing up making a list of what you wanted in a spouse? Well, lists are fun, but as we grow older we realize we have to be flexible on some things. I never imagined my husband would be anything like the man I wake up next to every day. I always say to him that he wasn’t the man of MY dreams, but the man of God’s – because he is far greater than any man I could have ever imagined.
I want to challenge you to become the “right” woman and give your romance to God. Because when you give your romance to God, he will not disappoint.
You have tons of debt.
OH, finances! This one may be controversial, but do you really want to bring debt into your marriage? The Bible says to never borrow money (Romans 13:8). Dr. Wheat actually says it this way, “Borrowing money before marriage or soon after is like adding another phrase to the marriage vows, ’Til debt do us part.’ OUCH. Get rid of as much debt as you possibly can, because money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce in America.
If you do have debt when you get married, you aren’t doomed. I would recommend you have a plan of action to move toward financial freedom by becoming debt-FREE. A great way to do this to take a Financial Peace University course together. I promise, once you start this you’ll be hooked!
My passion is to guide women and couples into lifelong, thriving & joyous relationships. I believe that the secret to that is found in God’s Word. He created relationships, so who better to seek guidance from?
I guess my question is this: Is it important for you to set up a good foundation before you build your family?
All my Love,
