4 Ways You Can DECREASE Your Chances of Divorce Before You’re Married
Tarah Avery
Have you ever thought about preparing for marriage before you are married, engaged, or even dating anyone?
Did you know doing this could put your chance of divorce in the 5-10% range, compared to the current 20-25% (The actual divorce rate has never gotten close to 50%).*
I am going to get super analytical/research statistical here. So get ready!
Preparing for marriage before you’re in a relationship may be a little foreign to some, but I am completely convinced that it is one of the greatest gifts that you could give your spouse.
You know those marriage conferences that you can find all over the country? Those are what the single people should be going to. I mean, why not? If marriage is on your radar one day why not prepare the best you can now?
So what do you think? Is the difference in your probability of divorce enough for you to start preparing for your marriage now, as a single person?
Currently, the divorce rate is 20-25% in first-time marriages and is declining (woo!).
Author and researcher Shaunti Feldhahn says that there are many factors that dramatically affect the chances of divorce after you marry.
So let’s explore 4 of them. You can decrease your chances of divorce by becoming what Shaunti calls a “low-risk individual” by doing these 4 things:
(Note: This works BEST if both parties fit these categories, so I encourage you to look for these in a potential spouse).
Ok here we go:
1. Get married around age 25 or later.
“Couples who marry in their mid twenties (25) or later have a much greater chance of making it to their twentieth anniversary.” -Shaunti Feldhahn /“The Good News About Marriage,” pg 28
Have you heard that men’s brains don’t stop growing until they’re 25? Yeah, there is truth to that. It’s actually the decision making part of your brain too! Woah..
2. Go to college.
“Statistically, college-educated people are far more likely to get married later and stick with their marriages.” -Shaunti Feldhahn /“The Good News About Marriage,” pg 28
Research has found that a college education alone drops the divorce rate to about 17% after the first decade of marriage. WOW! Who knew that a college education could impact a marriage so dramatically?
3. Do not cohabitate.
“Couples that cohabitate tend to slide into a long-term relationship and even marriage without making a decision of commitment prior to living together, which then increases the risk of divorce.” -Dr. Stanley /“The Good News About Marriage,” pg 30
This does not mean that couples who do cohabitate are doomed to failure, but it does make the likelihood of your marriage lasting a lifetime significantly less.
4. Get involved in a supportive church or community group.
According to the research done by Shaunti and her colleagues,
“the rate of divorce in the church is 25-50% lower than among those who don’t attend worship services, and those who prioritize their faith and/or pray together are dramatically happier and more connected.” (pg 86)
Research shows that the divorce rate of those who joined and stayed in a supportive community was one-third of the average. (pg 31)!
Are you as surprised at this research as I was? As I said before, this will greatly benefit your future marriage if BOTH parties have each of these categories checked off. So before you make any life-changing decisions like choosing a spouse, take the time to go to college, get involved in a church or supportive community, let your brain fully develop (at age 25) and avoid cohabitating with a partner before you’re married.
The proof is there.
But the last thing I want to say is that if you got married young, didn’t go to college, cohabitated with your spouse first, and are not involved in an active community, your marriage is not destined to fail. But I urge you to get in a supportive community of some sort. That one factor alone could change everything.
Marriage is a great gift and one to be fought for. There is always hope, as long as you’re willing to work at it.
Which area do you think will be/was/is the hardest for you?
¥our Friend,
*Shaunti Feldhahn, “The Good News About Marriage,” (pg 32).
