A Sign of a Sabotaging Friend
Tarah Avery
You know when you watch American Idol or some other sort of talent competition, there are always those people who are just really, really not good; but for some reason, they think they are?
Someone had to tell them they were good . . . someone had to encourage them.
Gosh, I always feel sooo terrible for them. Don’t you?
This is what I think happened with most of those people: they were told they were good just where they were, and never challenged to grow or improve. And so they come onto national television and make a fool of themselves.
I always feel terrible for them, and then I get angry at the family & friends that let them get on that stage. What were they thinking?!
Scripture tells us to watch out for flattering friends. Is flattery our enemy? No, we all love to hear great things about ourselves & when we’re doing a good job. It’s the person, the friend, behind the flattery that we are to watch out for.
“A flattering neighbor is up to no good;
he’s probably planning to take advantage of you.” -Proverbs 29:4“Wounds from a sincere friend
are better than many kisses [flattery] from an enemy.” -Proverbs 27:6“…flattering words cause ruin.” -Proverbs 26:28
Are your friends trustworthy? Are they people who will smother you with flattery, make you feel good and encourage you in making unwise decisions, decisions that could possibly ruin your life?
Scripture tells us to avoid friendships like those.
Let me be clear here friend, flattery is not the same as giving a compliment or speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) <—we are called to do that.
No, a flattering friend’s motive is to “encourage” you to the point of ceasing. To blind you into thinking you are the best at this or that, you don’t need anyone else, you don’t need to learn and grow in that area of your life.
Because really, they may want you to be successful, but not quite as successful at them. Am I right? Whew, that is a tough one!
Been here? We all have, and it’s a battle we need to fight daily. To put others first because that was the example of Jesus set.
What happens with this kind of flattery friends, is that you become content where you are. No more striving to be the best version of yourself. And you begin to go downhill. Because if you’re not growing, you don’t grow stagnant, you decline in the quality of your life and character.
Jesus calls this becoming “lukewarm.”
“I know you inside and out and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit…” – Revelation 3:15
There is no such thing as “coasting” in life. You’re either going up or going down. Imagine if you were driving up a hill – this hill is life – and you stopped the car and put it in neutral. What would happen? Would you just sit there and not move? No. Your car would begin to backslide down the hill.
And so will we if we’re not careful.
Inviting friendships that speak discouragement, fear, or even flattery can be your downfall — this friend does not have your best at heart.
Friendship is when a friend’s motive is to encourage you to become better, to support and be by your side through the highs and lows.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” -Proverbs 27:17
There is no such thing as “arriving.”
Keep striving, keep learning, keep chugging up that hill. It may be slow and bumpy at times, but not always. Encourage your friends, truly, so that you may strive for something bigger than yourselves, together.
What do your friendships look like?
Your Friend,
