Dear Single Ladies:
Tarah Avery
You know that girl you would look at and say, “Her standards are too high! She’ll never find someone like that.”?
Well. That girl was me. I spent my whole life waiting for the man God designed because I knew I was special. I was God’s princess and he wants to give me the absolute best.
And guess what? That girl who “would never be able to find anyone with her high standards?” Well, everybody was right because she didn’t find someone. God found someone for her. God designed a man who fit his standards for his princess. And he has the same in mind for you.
I remember having this fear before I was married that I would be single my whole life. I was single all through high school and into college; all I had ever known was singleness. And then over time, a new fear came to me – I would soon embark on a completely new journey that carried with it the biggest life decision I would ever make. Marriage.
Why would I fear getting married?
Because I am really great at being single, I’d never been a wife before, and this marriage thing is a lifelong commitment with a lot of responsibility!
But as I look back on our love story that God wrote specifically for Gordon and I, I realize it’s perfect and we are made specifically for each other. And there is only one reason for that: giving my romance to Jesus.
After giving him my romance, the fear of being single my whole life got easier and actually turned into a possibility that I was content with. God hand-picked the man of my dreams, and he will do the same for you if you give him your romance.
And now, God is choosing to entrust us both to fight for this marriage journey and enjoy the process, the ups, and the downs. And that, ladies, is the best reason to trust that this marriage thing just might work 🙂
Since meeting Gordon it’s been a crazy 10+ years of serving, exploring, and getting to know him as my best friend, my comrade, and my fellow adventurer! If you had asked me on the day we met, I would have never guessed he would be my husband.
He wasn’t who he appeared to be at first meeting. He was a know-it-all, slightly arrogant, and demanded the room’s attention. I was horrified. But we found ourselves as coworkers and decided to be friends.
As I got to know him I began to see him differently. He was not as he appeared to be during that first meeting. I saw depths in him that I had not seen in a man before and I began to see that I had stumbled upon someone special.
Shortly after these feelings of attraction developed, God spoke to me – not in an audible way, but through a peaceful contentment:
“Dear daughter of mine, this is who you’ve been waiting for; now, continue to wait.”
Oh, great. But it was 4 years I wouldn’t change for the world. We weren’t who we needed to be for each other yet and if we had rushed into something, who knows? We probably wouldn’t be married today.
Singleness is dear to both our hearts, Gordon’s and mine. It’s a time that God has set aside especially for each of us. We weren’t meant to wholly rely on other people. We need Jesus to really fulfill us and remind us of our worth.
My personal story of singleness is full of ups and downs. I experienced hurt, pain, confusion, and loneliness – which at first glance may seem unappealing, but in those times I also found joy, triumph, and wisdom, and learned about myself and about God’s love.
Singleness is a season in one’s life where all your time, energy, and devotion can be completely fixed on Jesus. Enjoy it. It’s a time where one can find themselves complete in him and understand what true relationship was created for and what it was meant to look like.
I had been single for most of my life until I met my husband-to-be. Many young women have asked me how, and as I sit and ponder that question, this is what I concluded:
I cannot quite tell you exactly how my story has unfolded the way it has over the years. Each of our stories is uniquely our own. But here are some steps toward a joy-filled singleness that have worked for me:
Seek his desires for your life.
Ask the Lord for his wisdom and guidance in your decision making. All of it, whenever you remember – it will become a habit that you create that will save you tons of worry and anxiety in the long run. Contentment and peace usually go hand in hand with including God in your life decisions. The answers may not always be what you hoped for or expected, but if it’s right God will make sure you know it.
Find the patience to wait and keep on going.
Temptation will happen. Insecurity will happen. But we can face those when we press into God and receive his strength and endurance to keep going. There were tons of times I wanted to give in to dating guys who weren’t good for me. I gave in once and actually pursued a guy, something I said I would never do, because I got impatient and insecure and thought I had to go find someone, or I’d end up alone forever. Not true, but the fear and temptation are real. Understand that God is good and he knows what he is doing. Those are truths to hold onto in order to keep pushing forward.
In my times of doubt, I had these words spoken over me by a friend who said this gentle reminder, “God loves you. He knows the desires of your heart. And he has a plan.”
The same for you, my friend.
Know your True Prince Charming.
No man can ever love you like Jesus can. No man comes without baggage and brokenness. Every man will fail you in more ways than one. And there is grace for those moments, BUT Jesus will never fail you, abandon you, abuse you, or take advantage of you. You are safe with him and it is his sweet voice that tells you of your value and worth. You will always find fulfillment in him. And that is why, sister, you must understand and accept that Jesus is your true Prince Charming, As much as I love fairy tales and “happily-ever-afters,” none actually exist apart from him.
You are not just anyone. You are the daughter of a King and deserve the best. Let God set your standards, and trust that he knows who will be a perfect fit for you and will bring along that person in his timing.
Your Sister,
