How do You Keep Love Alive?
Gordon Avery
Falling in love. If you think about it, it’s pretty easy to achieve.
But staying in-love. . .how does one accomplish that? There are books, articles, blogs (including this one), and family members all offering the secret to lasting love. But which is right? The mass volume of advice can be overwhelming.
But what if it’s actually very simple? What if you already know how to keep love alive? What if the same way you fell in-love was the same way you keep it alive?
First, how do you fall in love? I know. There isn’t supposed to be a formula. Love is mysterious and powerful. But we’re not talking about what love is.
We’re asking, how does one fall in love? We’ve talked more in detail before, but here are the spark notes.
- Spend a significant amount of 1-on-1 time together.
- Share your heart with each other.
Getting alone and revealing your dreams, fears, hurts, hopes, regrets, and so forth does this. Maybe not at first. But as the hours build up, inevitably, so do the feelings.
Now there are endless ways in which to spend time together. There are countless means to express your inner self—what really makes you you.
But when you strip it down to its core you find some basic principles. To have intimacy you must have some consistent time alone. And you must talk about your life. The shallow and the deep things; not one or the other.
This is how you fall in love. And it’s the way you keep the kettle boiling.
You must prioritize your marriage on your calendar—not in your heart.
Everyone prioritizes their marriage in their heart. But actions are what make the difference. Daydreaming isn’t what got you together. You didn’t commit to dating and then never spend time alone. And you didn’t think that having fun was some superficial activity either.
No, you planned your relationship on the calendar. You made sure you spent some alone time every week. And you talked a lot.
Now, it was easy then. In marriage, it’s harder. But it doesn’t matter. If you want to keep love alive you still have to feed and water it.
Do you have a consistent date night?
Over and over again this is what you find amongst the happiest marriages. They have a consistent, scheduled date night. And they make it the highest priority of their week.
Their kids aren’t #1. Their careers aren’t first. Not even their family.
They put their marriage above all. They say “no” to a lot of good things because they are saying “yes” to the best thing: each other. It’s what we do when we’re dating. It’s what we need to continue to do in marriage.
Are you prioritizing your marriage? What is one way you can say “yes” to your spouse this week?
Best,
