How to Avoid the Mistakes and Embrace the Successes of Your Parents

Tarah Avery

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Have you ever thought to yourself, “when I have kids, I am going to do it differently than my parents?” or “I want to parent exactly like my mom and dad did”?

I know I have. My brother and I have had countless conversations about what we will do and won’t do differently in our own parenting one day. But let’s be real, no parent is perfect, and you are no exception. What you think you will do as a parent will most likely not turn out that way.

Unless you’re intentional about it.

Gordon and I talk a lot about parenting. We don’t have kids yet, but we often think of different scenarios and talk about what we would do if “those were our kids,” or just ask ourselves “what if this happened or that happened.”

We talk about the things our parents did well that we want to do well with our kids. And we also talk about what our parents did not do well or just didn’t do at all that we want to avoid in our own parenting techniques.

So we came up with this idea that’s been brewing in our minds for years! It’s called, “Letters to our Future Selves.”

These are a compilation of letters with different topics that we write to ourselves and then open as our kids hit certain milestones or seasons in their childhood/young adulthood. Fun, right!?

To create your own compilation of letters, here are a few things that have helped us:

Make a list pinpointing some big moments in your life where you could have used more guidance or where your parents really shined.

Here are some ideas that we have thought of for future letters:

• When our kids start asking about sex & sexuality.
• For our kids coming of age ceremony/ritual (around age 13).
• When our kids graduate high school.
• When our kids begin dating.
• If our kids go to college.
• When our kids decide a career path.
• When our kids move out of the house.
• If our kids get engaged.
• If our kids get married.
• When our kids buy their first home.
• If our kids move away.

There are so many moments!

Identify how you felt during that time.

How did your parents handle these situations in your life? What do you wish to do the same? What do you wish to do differently? Write your thoughts down.

Pick a topic on your list and start creating a letter to your future self.

 

Seal it in an envelope and label that envelope with the correct topic.

Now you’ll open that letter when your own kids get to that season or situation of life.

Pick a box or someplace you want to keep all of your letters.

We have ours in a simple box that’s sitting on a bookshelf. Because we’re always adding more letters to the box, we have it in a place where we can easily access it.

This is just a fun activity for the two of you do to together. My hope would be that these letters would be a reminder to you of a time when you were in the same situation as your kids (your first breakup, for example). As we get older it can be hard to remember what it was like to be young and in love, or when we developed our first crushes and experienced our first heartbreaks. But even if it’s just a fun activity to bond more, that’s fine, too.

It’s not only a way to get your mindset in the place of your teenage daughter or son but also help in your parenting as you remember what it was like to be them.

This process has been so fun, and I seriously can’t wait to re-look at these letters one day!

What is one piece of advice you would give to your younger self that you’d like to share with your kids? Or have given them?

All my Love,