Love Your Spouse Better in One Easy Step
Tarah Avery
Does it ever feel like your significant other is speaking in a foreign tongue? Well, feel better, dear one, because most likely that’s exactly what’s happening.
Imagine with me that two people are having an argument. They are trying to get their points across, but they have a major problem. One is speaking English – the other Spanish. Clearly this is an issue. So what is the solution? Simply, they must learn to communicate in the other person’s language.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages,” says that every human has his or her own love language. A person’s love language is basically their emotional communication preference – the way in which they best experience and express love.
I remember how hard it was to learn Gordon’s love language. He feels the most love when I use my words. “Words of Affirmation” is what his love language is called. Naturally, I am not a verbal processor; I tend to keep everything inside, even compliments and praise. Daily I have to remind myself to say outwardly what I am thinking inwardly. “That’s a great thought, babe!” or “You love me so well,” and most importantly, “Thank you,” are common words of praise I give my husband to ensure that he knows that he is doing a great job. It was incredibly hard in the beginning just to remember to speak my words out loud instead of in my head. But I am getting better each year.
Throughout the years Dr. Chapman discovered five overarching Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
Using encouraging, kind, and humble words that uplift your spouse.
2. Acts of Service
Doing something for your partner that you know they’d like you to do.
3. Quality Time
Giving your undivided attention to a loved one.
4. Gifts
Conveying visible signs of love through tokens of appreciation.
5. Physical Touch
Expressing affection through hugs, embraces, light pats, or lovemaking.
For example, let’s say that a husband’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation while his wife’s is Acts of Service. Wanting to show that he cares, the husband frequently expresses his love through notes, text messages, or kind words. Meanwhile, she works hard to convey her love by doing his laundry, making dinner, and cleaning the house.
And so, while both are making an effort to communicate their love, neither of them feels loved by the other. He wants her words of appreciation. She wants his help with the dishes.
The truth is most couples do care for each other. They just speak different “languages.”
When you take time to discover your partner’s love language it will revolutionize your relationship. For you will have learned how to express the love you feel in a way your spouse understands best.
If you want to learn how to best show your partner love and visa versa, take the quiz here.
Based on the descriptions above, what do you think your partner’s love language is? And how can you show them love this week?
I’d love to hear in the comments below!
All my Love,
