How to Find Freedom From Your Controlling Emotions

Tarah Avery

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Have you ever felt a strong emotion, acted on it, and then wished you could take it all back?

I think most of us have been there, especially with our words. I have noticed a couple of things about emotions. We either swing toward embracing all emotions and following our hearts, thus becoming ultra-emotional. Or we choose not to show or feel any emotion at all.

Because I am a woman (hi!) I’ll be focusing on our tendencies as women to swing toward the ultra-emotional side of the pendulum.

But first I want to make clear that emotions are not bad. What you feel is not good or bad; it just is. But it is what you do with those feelings that can cause us to experience either regret or joy in our life.

 Oswald Chambers, an early twentieth-century evangelist, and teacher says this:

Much of the distress we experience as Christians comes not as the result of sin, but because we are ignorant of the laws of our own nature. For instance, the only test we should use to determine whether or not to allow a particular emotion to run its course in our lives is to examine what the final outcome of that emotion will be. Think it through to its logical conclusion, and if the outcome is something that God would condemn, put a stop to it immediately. But if it is an emotion that has been kindled by the Spirit of God and you don’t allow it to have its way in your life, it will cause a reaction on a lower level than God intended. That is the way unrealistic and overly emotional people are made.

Wow. Oswald blows my mind every time. He is saying that there are two kinds of emotions:

1) Those that have been urged on by the Holy Spirit, and

2) Basic human emotions.

So, what do those look like in a real-life situation? Let me give you an example.

A couple of weeks ago, I had an urge to write my mom a letter. I am not good with my words unless I write them down. I knew having a conversation wouldn’t work for me here, so I had to write it out and I get my feelings, concerns, hopes, and desires spoken clearly (I always mess up my words when I am confronting someone face to face or over the phone).

I knew that if I didn’t speak these feelings to my mom, we would continue to have a block from deeper intimacy together and I would potentially become bitter and resentful.

So, I did it! It was possibly the most courageous thing I have ever done, and I am just beginning to see the fruit of that action. That letter is opening a discussion about years of hurts and failures that we have both felt toward each other. It is leading us toward reconciliation and understanding of one another. It is beautiful.

This story is an example of an action that I took from an emotion of longing and desire – both emotions I believe were urged by the Holy Spirit- to be more intimately close to my mom.

God’s heart is always aimed toward reconciliation, both with each other and with Him.

My basic human emotions come in when I get hurt by someone and want them to feel that same hurt back. That is not an emotion spurred on by Jesus, because it would not be acting toward a heart of reconciliation with each other or with him.

Does that make sense? Are we beginning to see the difference here between a Spirit-urged emotion and a basic human emotion? I hope so.

The only test we should use to determine whether or not to allow a particular emotion to run its course in our lives is to examine what the final outcome of that emotion will be.

This is one of the wisest statements I have ever read. It means being intentional about your emotions. We don’t want to just let them run rampant but use them during the proper moments and in the right situations.

Pastor Judah Smith of ChurchHome in Kirkland, WA, says that feelings (emotions) don’t rule our lives, and if we allowed them to, our world would be in major trouble.

Could you imagine? I cringe just thinking how much more chaos our world would have in it if we all acted on every emotion we ever felt.

Q: So why is it so important to be intentional about our emotions? 

It’s important to be intentional about our emotions because you don’t want to end up regretting a choice you made because of something you felt in the moment.

If I were in a tight financial situation, which is not too far from the truth, I could feel worry, stress, and fear. If I truly allowed those emotions to run freely, I could decide to rob a bank, then I could end up in jail, and in the end, would most likely feel deep regret about that decision. Ok, I might have gone a little over the top there 😉

It would not only impact my own life, but Gordon’s as well as my family, and my children.

Our decisions do not only impact ourselves, they affect others as well. That is why we do not act on every emotion and feeling that comes our way because oftentimes emotions can be irrational and the actions we take out of them just plain silly.

Q: How do I know if what I am feeling is inspired by God or just a basic human emotion?

Oswald says to test our emotions by thinking about the outcome of lingering on that emotion. Will it make you bitter and resentful? Will it ruin or hurt a relationship with someone you deeply care about? Remember, we cannot always control the emotions that well up inside of us, but we can control their outcome.

Next time one wells up in you, truly think about the path that an emotion will lead you down before you choose whether to act on it.

Ask yourself: Will acting on this emotion bring restoration or hurt? Build up walls or break them down?

You get to decide if you’ll rein over your emotions, or if they’ll rein over you.

What’s an example of a God-given emotion from your life?

All my Love,