Her Needs: The 3 Longings of a Woman’s Heart
Tarah Avery
I grew up in the 90’s, which means that Disney Princess movies were it, they were the thing. My 6th birthday party was Pocahontas themed, I had Beauty & the Beast bed sheets, and an Esmeralda nighty that was bomb!
Most Disney Princess movies have some sort of romance in it along with adventure, the guy fighting his way through some sort of obstacle to get the girl-whether that be an evil octopus lady, a wicked step-mother, a cultural feud between two enemies, or the evil queen, he comes for her.
And for most women we still get enthralled and captured by watching those same movies as adults- Titanic, Sleepless in Seattle, Braveheart or The Princess Bride. What would an adventure or action movie be without some romance in it?
There is a reason we have a longing and excitement in our hearts when we watch these movies with “happily ever afters” in them.
So what is that longing? Where does it come from?
The longing of our hearts is for three core things (I’ll get to those in a moment) and we long for them because God does.
We as women were created in God’s image. He created humans as male and female and the differences between us represent different parts of who God is. As Staci Eldredge puts it,
“Whatever it means to bear God’s image, you do so as a woman. Female. That’s how and where you bear his image. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities, as a reflection of God’s own heart.”
So, what are the longings of our feminine hearts?
1. She longs to be romanced.
I never considered myself a romantic; that is until I started being romanced by Gordon. Early on in our relationship I discovered the BIG Valentine’s Day celebration. Every year he writes and sings me love songs, takes me on surprise adventures, and romances me all day long. Does that mean that he doesn’t the rest of the other 364 days of the year? No. But this day is particularly special.
The night that we got married he gave me a small chest that held about 10 journals inside. These journals captured the journey that he had been on for the last 10 years of his life. He has been intentionally thinking, praying, and sharing with me for the last 10 years of his life in the pages of those journals. I love being romanced and I have a feeling that you do too.
Remember those Disney movies we talked about? It’s at our core. Whether you consider yourself a romantic or not, the feeling of being thought of and pursued through creativity is wonderful! We all want to be precious to someone.
In her book Captivating, Staci writes, “Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced.”
2. She longs to be part of a great adventure.
When I was a little girl I used to love role-playing with my friends and neighbors. Usually I ended up playing the role of the boy (I honestly don’t know why) and the story usually went something like the boy fighting his way to rescue the damsel in distress.
As kids, we used to pretend we were on grand adventures like C.S. Lewis’ stories of Narnia. The Horse and His Boy is my Favorite.
There is a longing in us ladies, for a great adventure. Not to BE the adventure that so often happens in romantic relationships, but to join in on the adventure of a lifetime.
When Gordon and I moved to Denver it was an adventure that we were both longing for. Was there a job opportunity? No. But does there have to be a reason to move away or travel to experience adventure? We didn’t think so. We simply moved because we wanted to. We longed to get away on an adventure of a lifetime! So we made the choice and moved.
Has that caused its own difficulties and struggles? Yes. But the immeasurable joy and excitement in being part of a great adventure with my husband is priceless. God has called us to participate in adventures with him, but so often we decide to take the safe path instead of following the longing of our hearts.
As Stasi says, “Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important. Before doubt and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to believe there is something in them that is needed and needed desperately.”
As women, we long to be part of a shared adventure.
3. She longs for a beauty that’s delighted in.
As little girls, most of us loved to play dress up. As we got older maybe it was little fashion shows (I loved to put on fashion shows!). Today as women it’s fun to get dolled up in something that makes us feel beautiful and sexy, do up our hair and rock the flashy makeup. There is something inside us that loves to feel beautiful and showcase that beauty to the world.
It is the best feeling when Gordon tells me how beautiful I am, but even better when he points out my eyes, the way I did my hair or even the outfit I picked out. He is delighting in my beauty and it makes me feel wonderful. We want to be delighted in.
Now I know that this desire to be and feel beautiful has caused so many broken hearts and countless tears. Beauty has been put on a pedestal and worshiped; for some, beauty has been shamed, used, and abused. But despite all the pain and distress that this brings us, the desire remains.
And it is not just an outward beauty, but to be delighted in who you are, the beauty on the inside.
“In the midst of it all we desire a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”
And God desires those same things with us. Remember, we long for these things because he does! The desires of our hearts resemble something beautiful and glorious because we bear the image of God. He understands the depth of these longings and he so desires to fill them.
He wants to romance you.
I remember sitting at a window with my best friend watching the snowfall outside. It fell so softly. It looked so beautiful. I was captivated. My best friend just looked at me and said, “God is romancing you.” And the beauty of nature has never been the same since.
When I see a colorful sunset, or see light beaming down through an evergreen forest; when I am on a mountaintop looking at the wonders below, I am reminded how God longs to romance me and I take it in and thank him for creating that for me.
He wants to take you on a great adventure. God has led me on countless great adventures! I got to travel to Australia & Bangladesh in 2011 for 6 months, all to experience culture, be the hands, feet and mouthpiece of Jesus, and make new relationships with some amazing people. I got to marry my absolute best friend and be swept away on the adventure of marriage, and now I am entrenched in this startup business as a relationship coach – which I never thought was possible!
It has been an amazing ride and I cannot even fathom what God will bring next! Being open to where he leads you is key to experiencing something amazing!
And he wants to delight in your beauty. He thinks you’re beautiful on the outside – he made you perfect and he sees you as perfect. And he loves the beauty that is inside of you and longs to reveal more of who you are. Understanding and discovering who we are is a lifelong process. There is just too much about each one of us that is unique and beautiful!
When we embrace these longings in our hearts we come alive! We thrive and find an unbelievable contentment in who we are and who God made us to be. And remember sweet friend, that these longings are not bad, they are part of you because they are a part of God’s image and you were created in that image.
Which longing is the deepest for you in this season of your life?
Your Friend,
Originally published at http://www.startmarriageright.com/2018/01/3-longings-make-woman-come-alive/
