The Best (or Worst) Thing Marriage Will Squeeze Out of You

Gordon Avery

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SpongeBob SquarePants. If you want an inside look into the reality of being human, he’s the guy.

You and I are like sponges.  

Since the day we were born we have been soaking in the surroundings—our environment, our parents (or lack thereof), our friends, and our experiences. 

And when you get married you find out pretty quickly what is inside.  For marriage acts like a hand that clasps your spongy soul.

Marriage does not change you.  It does not change your spouse.  

It squeezes out what is already in.  

It brings out your best.  And your worst.  Simply, whatever is harboring inside will flow out. 

If you’ve been holding onto bitterness, hurt, pain, fear, or jealousy, then that is what is going to flow out.  But if you have stored up generosity, discipline, joy, belief in the best, kindness, selflessness, and so on.  . . that, too, will be pressed out of you.

Which brings us to an inconvenient truth.  

The problem, most of the time is not with your spouse.  The reason you get so angry or constantly nag and complain is not because your partner did this or that.  Many times the things you are saying or doing are simply an outpouring of what is already inside you.

Revealing an important reality. 

The path to a marriage flowing with happiness is not to find the right person.  Or to try and change your spouse into the right person. 

But to become the right person.  Stop looking for your perfect match and start shaping yourself into the soul you would want to marry.

Take a look in the mirror.  What you are staring at is a sponge.  The question is: What have you been soaking in? 

Bitterness?  Gratitude?  

Remember, bitter people, marry bitter people.  Grateful people marry grateful people.  Who you are is who you will attract.  

So ask yourself, “Who do I want to marry?”  Then put in the work to become that person.  Soak in what you want your marriage to squeeze out. 

Best,