What a “Best Friend” Means to Me
Tarah Avery
Are your friendships deep, intimate, vulnerable, and loyal? Or are they shallow and unreliable? Do you call one person your best friend one week and then someone else the next?
What do you desire your friendships to look like? Deep inside of you, what do you crave from a friendship that you may not be experiencing currently?
With the rise of social media and technology increasing, I have noticed a particular trend, a trend that I find so disheartening and damaging to our lives that I believe needs to be addressed. This is a matter of true friendship.
What does friendship look like in your life?
Are your friendships represented by the number of Facebook friends you have or the number of followers on your Instagram or Snapchat accounts?
I have been very fortunate in my friendships. For the majority of my life, I don’t remember what it was like to not have my best friend. We met in daycare way back when we were toddlers and we have continued to be friends ever since. We have been through some really hard stuff together and a lot of really great stuff.
She was there for me when I had my first bee sting as a toddler (I still remember that), held me while I blubbered all over her when my parents divorced, and cried and laughed together when we experienced heartbreaks with guys. We got through it with each other’s help.
We also got to watch each other grow and develop in our personal relationships with Jesus. We got to lead a Bible Study with a group of women together, be roommates, go to the same high school & college, and eventually hold the bouquets at each other’s weddings. We both married musicians. We have had some amazing memories. And now we are pursuing our God-given talents and abilities and rooting each other on all along the way.
She knows me inside and out. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be there cheering me on during every major and minor steppingstone for the rest of my life – and I will be doing the same thing for her. She tells me when I am being dumb and helps make me better (thank you for that). And when I tell people about my best friend, I can know that she really is!
There is a big difference between what I believe a best friend should look like and what I see “best friends” look like today.
Here is what a healthy friendship looks like:
True Best Friends:
- Are loyal and not unreliable (Proverbs 18:24).
- Are kind with their words even when they joke around (Ephesians 4:29-32).
- Are selfless and not selfish (John 15:12-15).
- Encourage one another (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) (Proverbs 27:7).
- Correct one another when the other is being foolish (Proverbs 19:20) (Proverbs 13:20) (Proverbs 27:5-6) (Proverbs 27:17).
- Don’t gossip about each other (Ephesians 4:29:32)
- Don’t hide from one another their true feelings. They allow themselves to be vulnerable and trust that they will be met with understanding and love (Colossians 3:12-14) (Proverbs 17:17).
As opposed to what I see today where,
“Best Friends”:
- Blow you off last minute
- Call you vulgar names and then say “Just kidding.”
- Make your time together all about themselves.
- Discourage your dreams, talents, and passions.
- Let each other make stupid choices without ever saying anything.
- Gossip about each other to others.
- Have a shallow relationship that consists of no vulnerability.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. My point is there is a clear difference between a true best friend and what most people call their “best friend” these days. Sure no one is perfect and friends (no matter how close) will hurt you, but they never give up on each other.
I don’t say this to point fingers. I know I need this reminder of what a “best friend” looks like so that I can model these behaviors to my own friends.
If you don’t have a true best friend right now, that’s okay. It’s better to wait than to give someone that label just to make yourself feel better. The term “best friend” is not something to be flung around loosely; it’s a title reserved for someone very special. And that takes time, experience, heartache, and joy to build.
A best friend is as Anne of Green Gables puts it, your “bosom friend”–your kindred spirit, your encourager, someone who loves you loyally. My BFF and I call each other Soul-Sisters (it used to be Soul-Mates, but our hubbies didn’t like that one as much).
Can you relate to what it means to be or have a best friend like mine? If not, that’s ok. Start becoming that person today because somebody out there needs a friend like you.
What is your favorite thing, in a couple words, about friendship?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
All my Love,
