What “I Love You” Means to a Man
Gordon Avery
Every man wants to be loved. Of course, we do. And ladies, knowing this, you put a lot of effort into showing love. But what if. . .what if. . .
The way you try and love him only makes him feel . . . unloved?
The best selling author and marriage expert Shaunti Feldhahn sat upon the stage and shared a shocking insight about men. As soon as the words left her lips, it happened: women all through the audience gasped in shock. Could this really be true?
You see, as it turns out, a man’s deepest desire is not the same as a woman’s. Shockingly, what he longs to hear from his wife is vastly unlike what she wants. The deepest question roaming in our hearts and minds, informing and forming every decision, is very different from the question a woman cradles within her.
And this is where we meet the rub. A woman knows what she wants. She knows what she longs to hear from him. So she understandably believes that he wants to hear the same thing.
But he doesn’t. He needs to hear something else; a thing you would never guess he longed for.
For the question that invades the heart and head of every man is this:
Am I able?
Am I adequate? Not on the inside, but on the outside?
A woman wants to be worthy of love on the inside. She wants you to look past our outer appearances and accomplishments and love who she is within. That’s how you get to her heart. But that is not what makes a man feel valuable.
This is the desire of every man: to be worthy of love on the outside.
The path to a man’s heart is from the outside in. He just wants to know that what he does makes a difference. He yearns to hear that you admire what he is capable of accomplishing. That is how we men feel loved. Appreciate what we do on the outside and you will have made us feel loved on the inside.
Thus, wives and girlfriends, there is something you need to learn to say. And it probably is not what you think.
The most important words for a man to hear from his wife are not “I love you…”
But, “Thank you.”
Best,
