What is Marriage For?
Gordon Avery
Lately, we are asking questions like “Why should I get married?” or “What is marriage?” But no one seems to be asking the most important question:
What is marriage for?
Perhaps the starkest difference between long-lasting, happy marriages and those that are miserable can be found in the answer to this question. When studying the happiest couples on earth you will find something surprising: their reasons for getting married are strange.
But then again, they are the happy ones. Hm..maybe we should listen? So, what is marriage for anyway?
1. Friendship
Dr. John Gottman has over 35 years of research with 8,000 married couples. Also, he has a 94% accuracy rate when predicting whether a couple will stay married or get divorced. The guy is really good. And so is his final conclusion:
“Happily married couples behave like good friends.”
Marriage is for friendship. It’s one of its best purposes.
2. Grand Adventure
Marriage is about two people joining together to be a part of something bigger than themselves. To create something special together (for me read this blog: one of a woman’s desires). It’s all about a man and woman going on a grand adventure as road-companions. It’s not about standing face to face gazing longingly into the eyes of the other (though that is quite fun).
It is standing side by side, hand in hand, gazing out into the horizon.
3. Sexuality
We are sexual beings. Marriage is a celebration of sexuality. It is the avenue in which sexuality thrives and grows. Marriage is the only commitment strong enough to nurture this flame into a roaring firestorm of intimacy and wonder without being scorched.
4. Family
One of the great purposes of marriage is this. There is something powerful about family. And when done right, family has the capacity to change the world twice-over for good.
5. Sharpening
There is an ancient Hebrew proverb that says, “Iron sharpens iron, as one friend sharpens another.” This is what marriage is for. It’s about being around a person who will make you a better you. It’s about striving for excellence. It’s about lifting the other person up to a level they never thought possible. Marriage done right sharpens.
The Natural By-Product
The natural result of these things is happiness. When couples get married for these purposes they can’t help but find that they are happy.
Unfortunately, none of the above reasons are why most of us get married. The majority of couples get married for one reason: to be happy.
But.
Happiness is a by-product.
If you get married for the purpose of being fulfilled, you will be let down every time. You will find that your relationship becomes a miserable mess. For you cannot search for happiness and find it. It is the natural consequence of going after something greater than you.
And that is what marriage is for.
Best,
