What Settling Does to Your Children
Tarah Avery
Do you find yourself settling in your dating relationships? Would you be willing to spend years waiting – and perhaps lonely – to ensure that your kids will one day learn about Jesus from a man or woman who loves Jesus themselves?
Matt Chandler, Pastor of The Village Church in Texas, says that our spouse will have an enormous influence over our children regarding spiritual things.
That is why if you want your children to love Jesus deeply, hold out for a man or woman who loves Jesus deeply.
Waiting for a godly spouse is a hard thing. Godly is rare. You may spend years feeling lonely and left behind, struggling with your deep heart questions. But I can assure you from personal experience, it is worth it!
You would be surprised how often single people have children as the goal before really thinking about the person we’re marrying. It’s easy to settle when you so badly want the family, right? Or to settle because you don’t want to be lonely.
Those are both legitimate feelings and desires, but I promise you that “It is better that you be lonely now than for you to be married and lonely later”(Matt Chandler). It is better to be lonely now than to marry a man or woman who will teach your children about everything but Jesus.
A spouse who will not show your children the ways of Jesus is not worth your time, energy, or emotions. Because you and your future children deserve someone who will lead and nurture them in the matter of spiritual things.
For the men, if you don’t have a “gardening project,” as John Mark puts it, you are a man who does not know his path in life and if you don’t know where God is leading you, how will you be able to lead your family? Discover your purpose in work before establishing a family, simply because that is actually how God designed it to be.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to learn and figure it out along the way, but it will make marriage and parenting much simpler when you have first discovered who you are in Jesus and the path that God has you on before taking upon the responsibility of becoming a husband and eventually a father.
Both fathering and mothering are roles too important to not know yourself before stepping into them.
So here are some things to think about:
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What are your passions? Your dreams?
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What are the core beliefs you’ve discovered about yourself (God, marriage, divorce, dating, family, finances, etc.)?
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Why do you do the things you do? Why do you believe the things you believe?
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What are the things you are certain of and not so certain of?
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What is important to you?
This is important my friend, because once you can answer these questions for yourself, you can use them as a sort of “criteria” for marriage. Make sure that you and the person who may one day become your spouse and your children’s mother or father are on the same page.
Gordon leads us in spiritual matters. Sometimes I do, too, but I know that I can count on him to one day lead our kids into passionate relationships with Jesus.
And that is a beautiful thing to be sure of.
What, in one word, is a “non-negotiable” you look for in a spouse?
Your Friend,
