Why Women Should Not Pursue Men
Tarah Avery
Ladies: Have you ever felt judged when someone finds out that you pursued a man, or maybe felt embarrassed or nervous to do so?
Honestly, I have been on both ends.
By the time I was 17, I had never had a boyfriend before or even ever been pursued by anyone. Honestly, it didn’t bother me. There was no one I was that interested in and the whole dating thing I thought to be a waste of time, energy, and emotions. And I was definitely was not going to be the pursuer. That was just too scary.
But over time I began to feel worthless. I began to forget what God says about me – that I am beautiful, valuable, worthy to be fought for & pursued.
The more I waited, the stronger and stronger that fear grew, so strong that I ended up not only putting myself out there but fully submerging myself into the pursuit of a man because I was too afraid to be alone forever.
How quickly I fell into being the pursuer. And all because of what? Fear and insecurity.
Was he good looking? Check! Was he funny? Check! Was he Christian? Check! What more could a girl ask for, right?
We went out for a couple of months, but it was unhealthy and I was never really pursued by him even after we began dating.
I want to make sure I’m clear here: pursuing a man is not wrong. There is nothing in the Bible that says “Women cannot pursue men.” However, let’s get down to the real reason behind the pursuit.
I began to understand the impact of my choice to pursue. What happens when we ladies pursue a man? Usually, we’ll never get what our heart truly longs for – to be fought for, to be adored, and captivating to someone.
We have made it too easy for men to get the goods, without doing any hard work.
So what do we do?
A woman’s lingering question from birth is: Am I worth the fight? Will he come for me? Does he see me? And a man’s lingering question from birth is: Do I have what it takes? Am I capable?
Now we’re getting to the good part!
These questions have everything to do with pursuing a man because we are allowing ourselves to run away from our fears when facing them is the first step to something beautiful. Let me tell you why.
When a woman pursues a man, she is saying, “I don’t want to wait around for someone to pursue me because…what if they don’t and I end up alone for the rest of my life?”
And…
When a man lets a woman pursue him, he is thinking, “I don’t have to do any work, this is easy.” So he never has to overcome his fear of failure, he never had to step out and risk.
And now you enter a relationship where she is constantly longing for him to pursue her in some capacity and he is not doing those things because there is no challenge for him. He does not need to put forth the effort because he received the message that he doesn’t have to.
So instead of full-on pursuing, what do we do?
We make ourselves available to him; we put ourselves out there. He needs to know that you’re single and maybe a little interested.
You can give him your number if you want to, but then let him contact you. He needs that pressure to step out just as much as you need the pressure to wait patiently.
Remember that you are captivating, you are worth waiting for and you are worth it enough for a man to do the hard work it takes to find a great woman.
I guess the question is: Do you really want to be with a man who won’t pursue you?
Your Sister,
