Women: 2 Red Flags That You’re NOT OK
Tarah Avery
How is your self-esteem? What is it that you feel about yourself?
I always thought I had high self-esteem. It wasn’t until the middle of college that I discovered that my self-esteem was actually pretty low. I would pride myself on being the woman who was independent of any man and could handle being alone. What I didn’t know was that I had deep-rooted hurt from my past that was preventing me from ever allowing people in or letting them come too close. I was afraid of intimacy and the vulnerability needed to help me through those fears.
Many women find their self-esteem through what people have told them. This could be through patterns that have developed in their life, what people have verbally said. This even comes from what people say about you when you aren’t aware, as well as any experience of abuse (verbal, spiritual, or sexual).
I’ve noticed a pattern from my own life and from observing the lives of others. I would like to share with you 2 directions I’ve discovered that women tend to move to when we have been hurt:
She becomes hard and independent.
This is where I have the tendency to move when I am hurting. I know this woman. She believes that she can do it all on her own, she doesn’t need anyone else. This type of woman has been failed by people too many times, so she decides to shut them out and go her own way. She knows what’s best for herself and she will bulldoze through life, and sometimes over people, in order to get where she wants to be. She can be insensitive to others, to put her needs above others. This woman chooses to put all her value in herself. This woman has strength as well as weakness.
Is this woman you? Do you find that you relate to her?
She becomes promiscuous and can be used by predators.
I have seen this type of woman, and have known some personally. She has no boundaries, becomes an enabler, and allows others to prey on her in many ways. She chooses to put all her value in others – in what they say about her or how they treat her. She may not give up on relationships no matter how destructive they are. She can even put her life and sometimes the lives of others in danger due to her misplaced loyalty. This woman has strength as well as weakness.
Is this woman you? Do you find that you relate to her?
I know both of these types of women. I was the woman who had become hard and independent; I can still respond that way if I don’t continuously give my heart to Jesus, who keeps it soft and pliable.
Think of these signs as indicators that you are hurting. You are not OK. And that is OK. Working through hurt is not a sign of weakness, and it is not an excuse to allow yourself to be trampled over.
Use these indicators to help you see that maybe what you need is to re-focus your attention on the God who made you. He made your heart and he knows how to take care of it. He knows what you need. It all comes back to Him.
Use these indicators to help you realize that maybe you need outside counsel to help you see where the root of your pain lies. There are professionals out there who know how to help you get to the heart of the issue and give you tools to help you become a better you.
If you find that you are one of these types of women and you are ready to heal and find the freedom to become healthier and stronger, I would suggest you start here:
- Find a counselor who can mentor you and guide you through this process.
- Encourage yourself by taking the 7 Day Self Love Challenge to help grow in confidence and self-esteem.
I am praying for you, sister. Change can be tough, but recognizing that change needs to happen is most important, and you’ve already done that. That’s a huge first step! Are you ready? I believe in you.
Remember to gather your friends and family around you in this process. You cannot do it alone. If you don’t have trustworthy friends or family who are reliable to cheer you on during this change, seek friends at your local church, find a support group.
As I said, I relate to the first woman the most. Which woman do you relate to the most? Are you ready to make a conscious effort to heal from the hurts that have shaped you into becoming this woman?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
All my Love,
