The “You Complete Me” Myth
Tarah Avery
Did you ever have to do that experiment in health class where you had to carry around a pretend baby and take care of it for a couple of days? Yeah, me neither, but I’ve seen it in the movies.
Gordon came up with this silly scenario: imagine you and a partner were given the job of handcrafting a tiny human baby. Each of you is assigned half a body. On the completion date, you will bring your respective halves to the table where they will be put together.
Now suppose you just both happen to be major procrastinators (aren’t we all?), so that when the time came your little hand-crafted baby was missing an arm from your side and a leg from your partner’s. Any witnesses to your one-armed, one-legged creation would undoubtedly conclude, “You suck at mak’n babies.”
One arm. One leg. Would you call that whole? 100%? Complete? Of course not! Friends, crafting a healthy marriage is much the same.
In marriage 50 + 50 does not equal 100. Instead 100% + 100% equals 100%. One “whole” person plus one “whole” person, equals one “whole” marriage.
So what are you bringing to the table? How healthy are you? Do you struggle with insecurity? Are you lonely and depressed? Are you unhappy? Do you have any missing “limbs?”
Have you ever thought, “If I could just find someone, I wouldn’t be lonely anymore?” You and close to every other human on earth! But sadly, it won’t work. Marriage doesn’t fix a lonely heart; it reveals it.
It may take away the lonely ache for a little while, but in the long run, you will still find yourself in that same empty place. And my dear, sweet friend, I don’t want to see you go through that heartache of being married but feeling alone.
So here are a couple of things you can do to become a 100% complete you:
1. Ladies: Read “Captivating” Guys: Read “Wild at Heart.”
It’s important for us as men and women to learn about how God designed us.
2. Take the KLLP Life Languages Personality Test.
(This costs money, but it’s worth it. So save up – I promise it will change your life because you’ll discover SO much about yourself).
OR another good one is the Strengths Finder.
(This also costs money, but it’s less expensive if you buy the one that only gives you your top 5 strengths, which I strongly recommend). It dives into your top 5 strengths and it is amazing to see which ones are obvious, and which ones are in you but haven’t been worked – kinda like a muscle.
Friends, it’s so easy to allow other people to tell us who we are, and especially easy to find our identity in things like work, family, and words people have spoken over us. So take the time to learn about yourself. There is no greater feeling than truly understanding who you are and how God wired you. And when we fully embrace our wholeness in Jesus, that’s when he brings along the perfect match who complements you in every way.
So is there really such a thing as finding someone who “completes” you? I think the question is not, “Do you complete me?” but “Do I complete us?”
Your Friend,
